timothy:

i love drugs. i mean, i really love drugs. i love buying them, i love selling them, and although this might be somewhat unprofessional, i love doing them. all kinds of drugs--what have you got, you know? ecstasy, meth, cocaine, angel dust, hash, speed, lsd, mescaline, morphine, opium, dmt, and that’s just street shit. can't forget the pharmaceuticals, right?--nebutol, percodan, percoset, vicodin, seconal, demoral, halcyon, xanax, prozac, tylox, better living through chemistry. i love talking about drugs--long, complex chemicals with names like demons-- phenylpropanol, dextromethoraphan, beta-phenylthylamine. now that’s fuckin’ science. and let's face it, drugs are getting me through med school at the same time they're putting me through med school, know what i'm saying?

(takes a bong hit)

timothy:

but you know the funny thing? i think pot must be my favorite of all drugs. number one with a bullet. because they all tell you about how it's, like, a "serious gateway drug," and that it should be treated like any other physically and psychologically addictive narcotic, and you know what? absolutely right. people like to get stoned, and then they’re very vulnerable to new things, and then they're all mine. get someone to smoke enough dope and they’ll fucking try anything, and then you’ve got them. it’s fucking beautiful, it really is. it's poetry. they'll say, “oh, none for me. i don’t do coke” like its child pornography or something, and they’ll resist, sure, but the second or third time that plate comes around, who’s got the straw up their nose? or they’ll say that they’re only experimenting with pills, but once they visit that world marijuana just becomes so…pedestrian. truly. they don’t want to go back to bong bingers and resin hits, and why would they? once you get high, you only want to get higher.

(pauses for a bong hit)

timothy:

acid, for example, is economical. for five bucks you can flip out for eight hours or more, which certainly makes good financial sense when compared to a sixty dollar quarter of sherm that you’ll burn up getting all your broke-ass friends high night after night in the hopes that the’ll get you back when you run dry. look at it this way, keeping acid in mind as our variable. now, for that same sixty dollars, you can get twelve tabs and ninety-six hours worth of high compared to, say, about twenty cumulative hours from the grass.

mikey:

yeah, but what about flashbacks? that's no kind'a fun.

timothy:

flashbacks? what, are you kidding me? that never happens. hardly ever happens. look, if you're gonna be so worried about it, just think of those as a calculated gamble that’s well worth the price you paid for it.

(pauses for another bong hit)

timothy:

you know what I can’t stand are these generation-y over-the-counter drug addicts. the kinds of people who chop lines of vivarin and drink robitussin by the bottle, i mean honestly. What kind of a half-ass habit is that? is that really living on the edge? i hope smoking marigold seeds and chugging nyquil makes you feel like some sort of Less Than Zero coolie socialite, because you look like an asshole. is there some sort of romantic projection involved with this? all of the look with an eighth of the pay-off? don’t get me wrong, I mean, snorting white powders is great. as long as it’s coke. coke is great. the romanticism involved with doing coke is great, but why cheat yourself? i have no respect for people who want to look the part but won't play it. this is members only, dig? come on, people. i mean, come on. this heroin chic thing? if you want to look like ally sheedy in the breakfast club all the time, then that’s fine, but do the responsible thing and sport a healthy smack habit. anything else is bad for business. dude, is that kicked yet?

(end of tape.)